A Python is All It Takes
by AnnurTsubaki
Summary: Iruka was a male nurse in Konoha Fire and Rescue Department. Kakashi was given permission to keep a python. Well, enough summary. Just read it already, okay minna-sama? One-shot. Completed. P/S: Edited because it was unreadable before. Hahaha.


**A/N: This is a one-shot story revolving around my favourite characters in Naruto.**

...

It had been a few months since Umino Iruka started working as a male nurse at Konoha Hospital. He was assigned to the emergency unit, directly under Tsunade's supervision. When it was announced that one of the nurses will be sent to Konoha Fire and Rescue Department as a permanent medical staff there, all the female nurses were thrilled, each hoping that they would be picked. A few months ago- _right when Iruka first joined_ \- one of the new nurses, Sakura, was sent to Konoha Police Department, while another nurse, Ino, was sent to Konoha Military Unit.

Iruka, being the only male nurse in the hospital, were not interested in the news at all. Of course he would not be. The fire department was full of men. He _definitely_ was not interested in one. They would be mocking him of his profession, just like a few did back when he was still in college. They questioned his choice - _as a male_ \- to be a nurse when clearly Konoha had never had a male nurse in the hospital.

He was getting ready to go home when a nurse - Anko, as the name tag indicated – pulled his hand and dragged him to the notice board.

"Iruka-san, look. I will be in Fire Department starting next week! I can't wait for it!" The girl said gleefully. Iruka saw other nurses glaring at the girl, envious of her luck. "I bet Ibiki will be surprised to see me there..hehe."

"Who's Ibiki?" Iruka asked, not recalling the name. Anko blushed, not bothering to answer his question. 'Must be her boyfriend, then.' Iruka thought.

"Good for you Anko-chan. I wish you luck." He said, sincerely. Anko smiled. She had been dreaming to work with Ibiki since she couldn't remember. Most of her friends were in the police department, with only a few others in the fire department. Asuma, Gai and Genma, her best friends, were the only ones in the military. But the most important one was in the fire department, Morino Ibiki. She was caught stalking him, _and god knew how_ , suddenly they were seeing each other. It was not a boyfriend-girlfriend thing, but it was an improvement. At least she thought so. She was glad he caught her stalking him; otherwise she would still have an unrequited love for him. Well, it was not known whether he liked her too or not. It was all her assumption, _hopes,_ to be exact.

"I'll see you tomorrow Anko-chan. I'm going home." Iruka waved and exited the hospital.

...

The path he walked was unusually busy that evening. Kids were running around and he saw a few cops patrolling the area. Iruka nodded his head when his gaze met theirs. 'The nearby park is filled with kids and teenagers, something must be happening there.' Iruka decided to go and see for himself.

A few men in fireman uniforms were present. One of them was holding a python, putting it in a big cage while the others were busy explaining something to the kids and teenagers. He heard that the python was caught sleeping under the tree in the park after a few kids found it and reported it to the Fire and Rescue Department. Iruka stood near the cage, eyeing the python. He never liked reptiles anyway, they gave him shivers. A silver-haired fireman was forcing it into the cage when suddenly the python broke free from his arms and slithered to Iruka, wrapping his legs tightly. Iruka fell down, gasping for air when the snake tightened its wrap. He was not frightened, just a bit breathless.

"Damn! Guys, help me!" The silver-haired man shouted to his friend, trying to free Iruka with his friends' help. Iruka choked. He was barely able to breathe when the man snapped at him.

"Idiot! Why do you stand there? You're lucky we just happened to feed this snake a chicken just now or else you'd have been crushed! _Eaten alive_!" The man was furious. "The snake is a _python_ , Kakashi." Another fireman said to the silver-haired fireman, mockingly.

"..." Iruka stared blankly at the man called Kakashi. 'I was tangled by a snake-a _python_ \- and all he said was _idiot_?! That snake is the idiot one! It should have learnt some manners not to eat people!' Iruka mindlessly thought to himself.

"Urm...sorry. Are you okay? Should I send you to the hospital?" Kakashi asked him, nervousness shown with his tone. Iruka shook his head.

"Thanks, but no thanks. I'm okay." Iruka replied, standing up from the ground.

"I think you should get the doctor to examine you. Might have a bone crack or whatever." Kakashi insisted. Again, Iruka shook his head.

"I'm okay. Really. Thanks for your concern. And thanks for helping me. I was a bit careless, I guess."

"I insist. Please." Kakashi was affirmative that he did not want to be blamed should anything happened to the guy. The snake - _python_ \- was his responsibility after all.

"No, really. I'm a nurse. I _know_ this is nothing serious." He swore when he said that, all the man gasped in awe. 'Darn! This is why I hate telling people about my job.'

"You're a what?" There came the sarcastic question again, in all his lifetime. Iruka sighed.

"I'm a nurse. Why? Haven't heard of one?" He replied.

"You ruin my dreams, mate. Nurses should be women, beautiful women at that. Then I won't mind staying at the hospital forever. Hahaha." A man with scars on his face laughed.

"Shut up, Ibiki. We know you like nurses. Your girlfriend is a nurse, right?"

"She's not my girlfriend. Just a stalker that I happened to know. She'll be our nurse starting next week." The man called Ibiki commented on the statement. Iruka felt like punching his face upon hearing his words. 'Anko-chan will be sad if she heard this.'

...

Iruka stared at the notice board, shocked. Why was Anko's name suddenly being replaced with his name? What happened? He never hoped to be transferred there for god sake. And then he saw her, approaching him slowly with a face in dismay.

"Anko-chan! What's this? Why is my name there?" He pointed at the board, slightly confused.

"Iruka-san. I heard it. What he said to you yesterday, I heard it all." Anko uttered the words. Iruka felt sorry for her, but then, why was his name written on the board instead of someone else's name?

"I'm sorry Anko-chan. I didn't know it."

"It's okay. I know he never liked me. I just assumed it I guess. You should go."

"But-but I like it here. Urgh! This is insane! Ridiculous!"

...

And so he started working as a nurse for the fire department. The doctor was barely available, so it was pretty much like he was the only one in the clinic almost all the time. The first day, he received a handful of fake patients looking out for treatments. Kakashi and Ibiki included. 'This is hell.'

"Nurse-chan, I twisted my ankle."

"Nurse-chan, I need painkillers."

"Nurse-chan, look, my face is all red."

" _Miss_ Nurse, he punched me."

"No, he did it, Mr. Nurse!"

"No! _You_ did it!"

" **WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP**?!" Iruka furiously shouted at the childish behaviour. 'God, do they know how to even behave?'

"Ahem!" A stern cough echoed the clinic's waiting area. All the men suddenly fell into silence. Within an instant, all of them left the area, resuming their respective works.

"Sorry for the disturbance, Iruka-kun. They just like to prank others. But I assure you they mean no harm." The man spoke in firm voice. Iruka nodded.

"It's okay. I guess they are bored."

"Errr...excuse me. I do need a treatment right now, please?" Kakashi suddenly lurked from behind the door, waiting to enter the clinic.

"What did you do, Kakashi-san?" Iruka yelled, seeing the twisted ankle. Kakashi grinned, silently laughing while stroking his hair. He watched as Iruka bandaged his ankle. The man was meticulous. Kakashi never knew a _male_ nurse could do a delicate job such as female nurses do in the TV shows he watched, but Iruka seemed like he knew what he was doing. Kakashi was impressed.

...

Since his first day being their nurse, Iruka was being bothered almost all the time. Mostly being when their superior was not present. He was getting accustomed to being disturbed by them, except for Ibiki, whom he disliked since the first encounter.

Sometimes, Kakashi and a few others would take him to see the python-well, _more like they forced him to_. Some other times they would invite him for drinks after work hours ended. And some other times, he would join them strolling nearby area. He was growing accustomed to their presence. It was not so bad after all.

...

"Back when I was in college, there was this professor, Orochimaru. He was intimidating. Looking at him made me think of nothing but snakes. I don't know why. Since then, I disliked reptiles especially snakes. So, don't ask me to touch that _thing_ again, Kakashi-kun." Iruka distance himself from Kakashi and the python.

"That doesn't make sense. What's the connection between snakes and your professor? I don't think a college professor can be easily associated with snakes. And what did he do that made you despise him enough to see him in every reptile you encounter?" Kakashi sought after Iruka's explanation. He held the python in his hands, careful not to let it near Iruka after seeing the man's reaction to the reptile.

"Well, he had a pet snake in his office, which he named Manda. And I don't _see_ him in every reptile I encounter. Just in snakes."

"That doesn't explain on why you hated him."

"Manda was poisonous. It bit a friend of mine accidentally one day. We didn't realize it, not until we found him dead in the professor's office. The professor was fired, but what for? My friend was dead. If he was alive, both of us would be the first male nurses in Konoha." Iruka's face gloomed as he spoke.

"I'm sorry." That was all he could say to Iruka. And he swore the python looked guilty too. Wait- can a snake feel guilty like human does? Nah-he would not bother thinking about the relevance. Or logic. Or common sense.

...

"Nurse-chan, Ibiki's at the hospital. Let's visit him this evening." A fireman lurked from the clinic's door, waiting for his answer. Iruka approached the man in a blink of an eye. Curious.

"What happened to him, Sai?" He questioned the man.

"Some guy from the military fought him, saying they were avenging their friend. I think they referred to the stalking nurse."

"W-what? Oh,no! I have to go. Sai, please inform them I'm out. I won't be back for today." He rushed and grabbed his belongings before closing the clinic. 'Anko-chan!' Iruka thought as he arrived at the hospital and started to look frantically for Anko. When he found her, she was with Ibiki, surrounded by three guys in military uniform. 'They must be her friends.'

"Iruka-san!" Anko was shocked to see him. So did Ibiki.

"W-wait. You know her?" Ibiki asked him, already knowing the answer. Iruka nodded, unwilling to utter any word to him. "I see. That's why you're so hostile to me. Just like these men."

"You deserve that, jerk. You're lucky we didn't beat the hell out of you." A man glared at Ibiki, ready to punch him any time now.

"Stop it, Asuma. Don't make it worse. Look, Ibiki. I really do like you, and I am foolish to think that the feeling is mutual between us. I apologize. Just forget it, okay. I won't bother you anymore. And you should do the same." Anko decided to make her feelings lucid. She was stupid to have fallen for someone who did not even like her back.

"What if I don't want to?"

"Then we will _make_ you to want it. Whatever method it takes." All three guys spoke in unison. Anko sighed. She dragged all three of them outside Ibiki's room.

"Thanks for your concern, but don't make it worse for me, please. You're my best friends, but I do expect some privacy especially in things like this. Please go back. _Onegai_."

"Okay, we will. But call us if anything happens, will you?"

"I promise."

...

Iruka stared at Ibiki.

"What?" Ibiki felt edgy. Iruka seemed to be enraged. Of course he was. Anko was his friend. And Ibiki just made her miserable.

"I didn't know you are such a jerk. Why are you toying with her heart? You know she likes you, don't you?"

"I like her too, mate. But it's complicated."

"Explain ' _complicated_ '."

"Do I have to?"

"Yes!"

"Huh, fine. I like nurses. They remind me of someone dear to me. My late mom. She was one. And then I just happened to know Anko. She was stalking me, and I thought why don't I try to befriend her. She's a good girl, but you know those guys in the department. They won't stop teasing me. I can't handle that."

"You're denying your feeling because they are mocking you? Just because of that? What a lame excuse. Can't even be compared to what I've gone through."

"I know. I already paid the consequences. She hates me now."

"You should explain to her."

"No, I don't think so. Let's just leave it at that." Ibiki said in a tormented voice, shaken and broken beyond repair. Little did he know that Anko was listening to his every word. She was a stalker, a great one at that. She was just unlucky to get caught once by him.

...

Kakashi was feeding the python when Iruka approached him. The python was supposed to be released but he had managed to get the permission to keep it in the department, on a condition- _never let the python eat your comrades_.

"What's up, Iruka-kun?" Kakashi greeted him. Iruka took a stool and sat next to Kakashi.

"Nothing much. I'm just bored. This snake looks bored too." Iruka gestured at the python.

"It's not bored. I'm entertaining it right now. See?" The python raised its head, looking straight at Iruka's face.

"Creepy. Why does it look at me like that?"

"Maybe the _snake_ wants to eat you. Hahaha." Kakashi grinned as he spoke the words. Iruka pouted, slightly disturbed by the python.

"Not funny, Kakashi-san. By the way, I heard you hated snakes, but from what I see, you don't seem to hate it. Did something happen?"

"You have your reason to hate snakes. I used to hate it too. Gross. Well, you could say that I was saved once, by a viper. When I was in the academy, a few friends of mine played pranks on me. They locked me inside an old mill which was abandoned far too many years. There was a criminal hiding there, and he found me wandering inside the mill looking for a way out. He attacked me with intention to kill me. And then, a viper just showed up from nowhere and bit him. I don't know why it didn't bit me instead." Kakashi recalled the story he used to narrate so many times before. 'Who cares, people believed it anyway.'

"Oh..." Iruka gulped and stared at Kakashi before he was caught eyeing him. Kakashi gave him a strange look. "What are you looking at, Iruka-kun?"

"Is it a true story?"

"Of course it is not. Do you believe it?"

"Nope."

"Then?"

"Just curious."

"Okay." Kakashi continued feeding the python. His mind wandered. He did not like snakes. It just happened that the one he used to date a few years ago used to give him a baby python to keep as a pet. It died because he never cared enough to keep it alive. And that just happened to be the final gift from her before she died of cancer. Since then, he vowed not to neglect any pet he happened to have. Well, not only pet, but any other animal as well.

"Iruka-kun. Do you know that a python is able to eat a whole adult human in one shot? I used to hear stories on why a pet python refused to eat for months, always cuddling with the owner. It was to prepare itself to eat the owner eventually. It is better to pet a dog or cats. Exotic pets have their disadvantages, you know."

"I know. I used to hear that story too."

"What do you feel that day, when it wrapped your body? I was afraid that it would eat you alive, you know." Kakashi asked him, his gaze fixed at Iruka's.

"I don't feel anything. I just didn't realize it until I was unable to breathe. Maybe I was recalling Manda and my friend." Iruka spoke with ease. He had let go of any remaining regret he had. It was Kabuto's fate to die at Manda's _hand_ -no-Manda's _fangs_.

"Hey Kakashi-kun. Mind if I come by again? It has been a long time since I'm able to talk to someone like this. I think I like being in your presence." Iruka smiled.

"My presence or the python's presence?" Kakashi teased the nurse. He heard the nurse chuckled.

"Both of you, I guess." Iruka replied. Perhaps Kakashi was a good listener. Or perhaps the python made it easy for him to speak to the silver-haired man. Without holding back, of course. 'Well, thanks, python. I'll bring you lots of meat tomorrow!'

 **Fin.**

...

 ** _Thanks for reading... ^_^_**


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